Stage Five Already? Let’s Do It!
Stage Five is where much of the western world spends their time. It is a really hard stage to be in. You spend most of your day feeling angry, offended, or in fear. So let’s get through this quickly but effectively and get to a better place.
Here is your homework…
- Read about other ideologies – political, social, religious, etc
- Update YOUR ideology (principles) as needed
- Consider that you HAVE an ideology but you are so much more
- Connect to others – see their humanity through their ideology
- Stay connected to your needs, your body, and your money, but do not become so attached that they define you.
And here is exactly how to do that…
Connecting To Yourself – Reading About Other Ideologies And Updating Your Own
Stage Five can be a very challenging stage. To complete it as completely as possible and move on to Stage Six as quickly as possible, you will have to get comfortable with other people’s ideologies, as well as your own. You do not have to agree with them. But you do need to see why they might think that way. The goal is to get to the point where you can have your ideology, but not feel offended when you hear a different one. It takes practice.
Read about other ideologies – political, social, religious, etc – read it all from an anthropological viewpoint. The point of this reading is not to change your mind. The point is to become aware of the details of other ideologies…. to educate yourself about what other people believe. Just read to say, “isn’t that interesting.”
During your reading, and even during your daily life, you are sure to feel offended sometimes when your ideology is attacked, or when reading something counter to your beliefs. When you feel offended, step back from that feeling and recognize that you, as a human in this stage, are prone to feel offended when you encounter something that goes against your ideology because your ideology (at this point) IS you and your mind sees it as an attack on your very self. Detach from that feeling and note to yourself that this too is human. That will help it pass. Eventually, you will not feel offended anymore. It is a liberating state to be in.
In your daily life and online life, you may to be tempted to lash out at those who think differently. Resist the urge to attack or be rude to others who think differently than you. It may feel justified right now, but will be yet one more thing you will have to forgive yourself for in later stages. You are not going to change their minds. All you will do is make yourself look like a jerk, setting a bad stereotype for your own ideology. A good rule is: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
While it is important to spend a little time defining yourself by your ideology (the essence of Stage Five), it is best to try and shorten your time in this stage. There are so many negative emotions here and Stage Six, just one step away is so much more peaceful and joyous. Let’s get there quickly.
Consider that you HAVE an ideology, but you are so much more. You have a lot more to offer this world than just your belief set. Just as you HAVE needs, but you are more than your needs, you HAVE an ideology (and psychologically must have an ideology), but you are so much more. Your needs are part of being human and your ideology helps you make better choices. But you are MORE than just these things. You have contributions to make to humanity; a purpose.
Now that you have a little distance and perspective on your ideology, and awareness of other ideologies, return to your principles… based on new experiences, do they need to be updated? How will your new principles alter your ideology on specific issues of religion, politics, social/moral issues, and how you might interact with others, yourself and the world?
The answer might be that no updates are needed right now. That is OK. Or the answer might be that major updates are needed. That is OK too. Keep these questions at hand. Return to your principles regularly to evolve them as your experiences change your perspectives. Keeping them up to date will help you maintain this vital mechanism for better decisions in your own life. There is not a single ideology that everyone arrives at. There is no standard of moving from left to right or right to left. We just evolve. Our needs evolve. Our ideologies evolve; and not always in the direction that everyone else might appear to move. This too is human. The key is to consciously evolve your ideology as life evolves you.
Connecting To Others – Seeing Their Humanity Through Their Ideology
Imagine someone you know that has a different opinion or ideology than you. Political ideologies are the most obvious candidates but it might be easier to start with someone who has a different religious ideology from you; or someone who simply prefers to dress differently than you would. Even someone who likes different foods. Preferably someone you like. Start easy because this is a really challenging exercise.
Do not try to sway them, or anyone else. That is not why we are here. Instead of trying to change their minds, put yourself in their shoes. This is not to change your mind either. The point here is to simply examine their past and see why they might think that way.
When you feel offended, angry or threatened at the thought of someone else’s beliefs, what you are really feeling is fear. Deep down in your subconscious, you fear that you are wrong, or that they will try to infringe on your way of life. 99.999% of the time, despite the headlines stoking your fears, your fears are completely unwarranted. Put these feelings aside for just a little while and try this exercise.
Can you see how something in their current daily life, in their childhood or their past would make them think that way? Given how they grew up and what they have experienced, does it make sense that they might believe that?
For example, suppose that they like tattoos and you think that tattoos are bad. Is there something in their background that might draw them to it? Was their childhood overly restrictive? What about tattoos is the real attraction? Expressiveness? Freedom of spirit? See deeper than the fact that they believe differently. See WHY they believe differently.
Now let’s take a political example. Perhaps you have a friend that believes that the government should regulate more, provide more, and be something of a parent to the citizens. If you are more of a rugged individualist, you may find the notion threatening. Look past your reactions. Step back and ask yourself what in their life might have led them to these beliefs.
Did they grow up having more than average provided for them by their parents or their government, or someone else, even blind luck? Can you see how this positive experience of parent or government or spouse as life long provider might shape them to believe that they cannot do for themselves, or that they need someone to provide for them or even that they simply like having someone else provide for them? Maybe they do not mind or do not notice the inherent control their providers have over them. Not everyone desires the same thing.
Now turn that around. Suppose your friend is the rugged individualist. Can you see why they might feel that way? Did they have to work hard for what they have? Did they witness others, even their own siblings, be given more than they were? Can you feel the unfairness and threat they must have felt? Can you see why they might have chosen to rely only on themselves after such a demonstration that even their parents would not provide what they needed.
Remember that it is about more than money. Our emotional and other needs influence this as well.
You can disagree with them and still see how they might come to believe what they believe. You can have your own beliefs and they can have theirs. Most importantly, they do not have to be wrong for you to be right. Their beliefs can be right for them right now and your beliefs can be right for you right now. When it comes to politics, religion, and simply how to live life, we all have our own beliefs, forged from parental influence and years of experiences. These beliefs, however, are just that – beliefs. They are more opinion than fact.
I challenge you to repeat this exercise for as many people as you can think of: family, friends, coworkers, political figures, etc. start with people you like and work your way up to people that you do not like at all.
Feel their humanity and see that they are on the same path that you are. They are more than their beliefs. They are human like you. They have needs and a purpose (even if they don’t know what it is yet). They are traversing this cycle of development just like you.
Eventually, they will see your humanity too. Can you see theirs? Close your eyes, think of them, and feel compassion for the fact that they are human too, trying to find their way.
Keep in mind that some people you may think of in this exercise will be adults in stage three (I am my needs) and that makes them dangerous. You can feel compassion for their humanity and their journey without making yourself vulnerable to predators and other dangerous personalities. Compassion does not mean you need to have contact with them. Compassion from a distance is still compassion and in some cases is the healthiest approach. The key is to feel their humanity and offer compassion for their journey, quietly from within yourself.